A series of things has forced me to turn my head and look back over the past year recently, and, whilst pontificating over my feats and realisations, I found myself asking, ‘what have I actually achieved?’ Which progressed to ‘am I proud of what I have done?’ Then, ‘am I content with my own personal progression? ‘An even ‘am I content with the progression of those around me?’ Important questions - questions of the big, bad and scary variety – questions that don’t just go away if you shoo them.
I am, without doubt, proud of my progression over the past year: I have seemingly transformed from an East London bred street rat, to someone who may actually find his feet, toes and all, in this tumultuous society - yet I have had to keep myself in check. I have always maintained that I can handle pressure, handle responsibility, handle life, but the past year has taught me that I know little of the ways of the wicked world and that my own place in it, no matter how insignificant, is one that I must cherish. I have lost family members in the past year; I have lost friends. I’ve kissed pretty girls, travelled to New York, bought bagfuls of trainers, met fantastic people and gone to some of the most amazing parties on offer - I am living. I am doing, and I am actively invigorated. I love the fact that my existence means something - that I have the potential possibility to pertinently attain, accomplish and achieve. I can endeavour to aspire and I can make things happen. Yet, like most kids, I potentially could, and almost have, fucked it all up with an effortless ease that is both unbecoming and terrifying. The past year has also taught me however, that energy and drive, determination and perseverance, strength of mind and will, can allow one to pick themselves up, brush themselves down and to keep buggering on, with more unfathomably jolly spirit than Mr Bean on crystal meth.
Almost a year ago to the day, Ruby officially set up the company; and it changed my life. It also opened my eyes to an existence that I could of only dreamed about a year ago. I was told today that I live a ‘charmed existence’ and, upon thinking about it, I deduced that I truly do. I do, and I appreciate it. A few days back, as I lounged around the kitchen space in Weiden + Kennedy, my mentor in the making, the brilliant, if slightly hard-nosed, Karrelle Dixon, sat me down and told me something that will stick with me forever. He swaggered and sauntered around the kitchen, looked at me, and said ‘the worst thing in the world is wasted potential’. It is something I have heard many times, something I thought I understood, yet the words have never had more resonant relevance than at this current time. It made me realise that I can still ‘throw it all away’, that we are all fallible, that none of us are perfect – With those words fresh in my mind, I am making it my mission to build upon the events of the past year, and to strive to some sort of rudimentary success.I will never be static - I will not allow myself to fail.
My mind is constantly cluttered, careering, crashing, coursing, crafting, creak and peaking; constant and kinetic. Unanswered questions remain, yet I shall address lingering issues when my head feels able. This, in the mean time, shall have to do...